June 30, 2004
finally went to visit my grandpa after refusing to for ages.i hated it.not because i hate my grandpa.but because i hate to see the people i love in agony.
he was asleep throughout the time i was there.but i could tell that he was ver y much in pain.just looking at all the tubes and needles poked in him made me wince.my heart just broke when i saw all the bruises on his arms from all the needles.i kept my facade.but my heart was in pieces.
the nurses came in many times to change the needles and saline solution and stuff like that.my granddad was moaning and groaning from all the time.i just felt so so so bad.
i was in the car and remembered how healthy he was last time.i still remembered the time when he could still drive.the time when he would still go to the office everyday.when he will climb that 2 flight of steps to get into the office.its all gone.hes wheelchair bound now.he'll never be the same.hes now merely a mortal succumbed to the torture of age.
Michelle called at
8:48 PM
June 29, 2004
today was a great day..if i dont consider physics spa as part of the day.hahas.yar.shant talk about physics spa cos its kinda depressing.just like yesterday's papers.
we had prayer meet early in the morning.thats why i had to go to sch at like 7 when reporting time was at 12 plus.we had a good session of worship and prayer at aunty rosalyn's room after that.i was good.not as fantastic as the suntec one though.haha.mayb cos i hadnt dont quiet time for the day so not exactly that connected.after that we just sat around and fellowship.it felt good.i like it like that.hahas.
Michelle called at
5:27 PM
June 27, 2004
today was the greatest day of the year.it was practically like the day of pentecost for me.hahas.the holy spirit just flow over me again and again.it was practically like taking 2 spiritual showers today.
service was thumbs up.pastor preached so strongly like nobody's business.slay the goliaths in our ways!unlikely heroes *eyes twinkle* will be raised up.it just made me more determined to be a missionary.
we had a prayer meeting at suntec.a kinda impromptu one.cos amoz was just playing the guitar and they kinda had a praise and worship session for real long.den sarah after her stupid game of monopoly (im sorry i just had to insult monopoly cos i totally suck at it.i aint that good with swindling la.) suggested praying for the 3 separate cellgroups.so we just worshipped and worshipped and worshipped.it was just fantastico.we sang and sang and sang like nobody's business.and the presence just poured down like water.literally splash through the whole room.it was so sweet that you cant do anything but worship His beauty and weep like a baby before Him.His presence is simply so sweet and marvellous.its definitely the kind of presence i want everyday.every minute.
God spoke so much to me today.so much that i actually cant remember all.hahas.its like when you have a conversation so long that you cant even remember what you had chatted about.but God really spoke deep into my heart.telling me to love Him more.just letting His love flow through me.it was beautiful.even more beautiful than the best sceneries you can find in this world.OH.WHAT CAN BE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN GOD.
truly the best prayer meeting of the year.i personally think its even better than the one at sarah's place after youth conference.
its when you least expect it that impacts.
follow me. gen sui ni zhu. fang qi yi qie. take up my cross. i wanna follow you. all the days of my life.
this is the song that pastor sang yesterday.and it was the song that helped me across an overhead bridge.hahas.you see..i was really tired in my heels.my soles were already raw from all the walking and it was extremely painful.as if someone peeled skin off my soles.then i kept singing that song.the following part will hurt.but its the prize that we're to keep our eyes on.the prize during that particular journey was the comfortable ride in my dad's car.hahas.but its the same for spiritual life.focus on God - your grand prize - and you will overcome all barriers.
what a wonder day.just because i decided to get straight with God.
Michelle called at
10:55 PM
June 26, 2004
had dinner.practically filled to the brim.hadnt had such a filling homecooked dinner for ages.mayb because i usually refuse to eat at home.hahas.
was talking to gwen and she told me about the 3 prophecies spoken over her.it was marvellous.her first prophecy was exactly identical to what bro jason spoke at last nite's choir practice.ask God if you want to.she told me the prophet who spoke over her said "In your heart you said,'God, you don't need my prayers,you can do it by your spirit if you want to.' But the Lord says:'Yeah, but i want to work with you, I want to show you the power of ur faith and ur believing." the worship session last night really shook me up.i recalled what pastor had said before.God wants us to tell and ask Him explicitly for what we want so that we are certain of what we actually desire for.i told God..i really want to be a doctor.i want to be a professional in the medical field for missions work.it has been a dream i had ever since we launched into missions.but..somehow i find myself yoyo between the thoughts that i can be a doctor and i wont be accomplished enough to be one.now..i just leave it in God's hand.mixed with my prayers of course.
cellgroup today was marvellous.pastor spoke of peter at the end.
So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Feed My lambs." He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Tend My sheep." He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You." Jesus said to him, "Feed My sheep. Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish." This He spoke, signifying by what death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, "Follow Me."
the words in bold just kept shouting out at me.i had questioned myself over and over again these few weeks if i really loved the Lord.i know God loves me.but i aint sure if im reciprocating His love.finally God revealed in the verse (We love Him because He first loved us) he had kept me on by: Love is a choice.i have always viewed love for God in a very worldly world.the kind whereby you love someone because you really love him and not because he loved you first.but the verse said it all.
pastor then sang a made-up song.he is really filled with the spirit.i just broke down the moment he started.it went something like "follow You.gen sui ni zhu.fang qi yi qie.take up my cross..." cant remember the last part.as usual..its a wake up call for me to follow and just submit my all to Jesus.i really just gave my heart to the Lord and i told Him i will do all He asks me to.no longer according to my will..but His only.
it was just really great.fantastico.the best cellgroup meeting of the year.
after cellgroup pastor talked about the trip to china at the end of the year.I WANNA GO!haha.i think the o levellers cant go cos its most prob in the 2nd week of nov.muahahaha.too bad eh?hahas.
anyway.im quite determined to go to israel next year.after hearing all the testimonies..its the place to go man.but..ex.so i must save up.the amount i save up definitely wont be enough for the trip..will need about 5000 bucks u know.. but at least it can show my parents im actually putting in an effort to save as much as i can.hopefully that will touch them and they'll sponsor my trip.hahas.
oh.another plan of mine.to go to sot after As.i might even consider delaying a year of U to go to sot.i dunno.mayb i can actually cope a few months of sot with medicine school (im saying this by faith!).i totally dont wanna do sot after U.i mean..after med sch i would still have to serve bond and all.by the time i can actually go to sot..i'll probably be like super old liao.so..must make use of my youth and energy when i still can.but then..sot costs 1500.
gosh.i wanna go so many places.need so much money.pray for financial blessings
Michelle called at
7:40 PM
June 24, 2004
been reading lotsa people's blog.everyone has a characteristic way of writing.but i always see people praising God before they sign off.am i so dry that im getting cynical.ha.mayb i am.that definitely isnt good.
the same message just keeps coming.and i just keep deflecting it off.came again during bs yesterday.worship comes before service.i somewhat dont wanna say too much cos i know it'll be read by people i dont wanna be reading this.darn.
i dont feel as transparent as before.or mayb i was never transparent.
Michelle called at
1:46 PM
June 18, 2004
its another period where i feel like i have a lot to say but nothing can be organized in my brain.thoughts are just swirling.its amazing how the brain works.can connect 2 totally different thing together when u r simply thinking.
Michelle called at
9:30 PM
changed my template.finally.no major adjustments.only played around with the whole template.
gonna go for cell soon.clear my head.
Michelle called at
12:47 PM
June 17, 2004
just came back from the china trip last night.it was the most horrendous trip ever.my dad said hes never ever taking us on a trip again.fine with me.as long as he gives me money to go travelling with others.
y was it horrible?first of all.I WAS SICK!darn.its the worst thing it can happen on a supposedly relaxing and fun trip.travels are supposed to relieve you of all the stress and crap like that.but i had a flu that consumed up my and the hotel's supply of tissue paper and a splitting headache that made me wanna sleep every moment of the trip.yar.the headache lasted for like 4 days despite taking pills after pills of panadol and the flu is still on.though it kinda subsided after the condition was at its worst on the 3rd night and i nearly died (im serious!) from the inability to breathe,even through my mouth.yar.so i was just sleeping whenever i can.that kinda irked my dad.but heck.i was more concerned about my head than his comments.
and then the next thing that thoroughly irritated me were the people on the trip.they are totally uncouth.now i understand why the government had made moral education compulsary even though i thought it was totally commonsensical.IT WAS FOR STUPID PEOPLE LIKE THEM!yar.if u look think the china chinese's behaviour are unpolished and boorish and stuff like that(that was exactly how i thought of them lah),thank God you are in singapore with even more unsophisticated people than that.yar.the people totally sux.exactly like what i see a disgustingly typical singaporean - running to the queues,stacking their buffet plates higher than me(erm.im not THAT short k..),koping anything they can get their grimly hands on.some of them are super attitude also,worse than me can?i thought i was already quite attitude.but i've met my match - some ah pek.darn.the worst was this DISGUSTING PUG-LIKE auntie that kept following my family around.i've no other words to describe her except disgusting.or mayb gross will do the job too.anyway..shes too much of a disgust for me to remember her gross ways.a reminder of it will definitely destroy my day.
anyway.the trip to the 3 gorges was kinda tiring.flights and buses and boat rides.totally tiring.we took a 6 hours midnight flight to beijing on some air china.i totally miss singapore airlines.it rocks.den we took a hour plus flight down to wuhan from beijing.went sight seeing in a daze(because i was spending most of the flight listening to book of zechariah instead of sleeping.haha.) and then had a 5 HOURS(!!!) bus ride from one end of the city to the other.i nearly died on the trip.finally got onto the "cruise" and was stuck on it (mainly doing sleeping) for the next few days while cruising up the yangtze river.the scenery was nice and all..but i aint exactly the scenery kind of person.i rather look at historical sites and listen to the interesting stories.yar.but do you know a lot of places are going to be covered over because of the stupid dam they're putting up?many call it the greatest(in the +ve manner) project ever.but i think its the biggest disaster.crap.my recommendation - dont go there.you'll find that the chinese are extremely stupid to wanna build this crap(although it provides lotsa electricity and stuff like that..but thats another story).
oh wells.we finally exited the ship at chongqing and went to some tea villa for the night.the food kinda sux cos everything was cooked with tea leaves and i dont exactly fancy tea.but hot pot for lunch kinda made it all up.extremely nice.i'll try to find out if theres shops like that around in town to go to.hahas.after chongqing we took another 4 hour(sians...)ride to chengdu.den finally(praise God)came home in a plane.hahas.
sian trip la.i dont wanna go with my parents anymore :P
Michelle called at
8:00 AM
June 9, 2004
i think im weird.ive a feeling im cursed against travels.am leaving for china tonight and i had a splitting headache the whole day.haf a whole history of falling ill or feeling really terrible on my travel day.shucks.
Michelle called at
6:23 PM
June 7, 2004
i've did it again.i was just crying over the same matter half a year ago.n i committed the same STUPID mistake again.
Michelle called at
9:59 PM
June 3, 2004
this youth conference has made me love my leaders more.love pastor.love boon kiat.love pauline.and love bro kelvin more.they're simply magnificient.i cant believe there are actually people who can tolerate my pampered ways.
boon kiat and bro kelvin has practically became our chauffeur these few days.boon kiat dashed out of his house after the first nite conference to pick me sean and amoz from our houses (which are seriously quite far from each other although they're all in the east) all the way to sarah's house to actually have a prayer meeting.and yesterday nite bro kelvin fetched me sally and leila all the way home from church to the north area even though his house was only at clementi.man.these people are marvellous.
and pauline.how could anyone stand being in the suffocating and disgustingly warm queue when she has actually got the silver tag to go down the leaders' lift and into the auditorium is a so much more comfortable manner.
finally pastor.yes.i've always loved him.the most wonderful leader i've always got.hes always busy.but he always keep us in mind.he dont reprimand.he convicts.he doesnt scream at u.but he makes u see your problem at an instant.he knows things you never thought he would.and hes the best coverage i've got so far.love him to bits.
haha.yes.enough of loving my wonderful leaders.youth conference is really the event of the year.all the praise and worship.all the messages.esp the nite ones.teaching us to really hunger for God's spirit.to want to be anointed and flow in it.i've been so deprived.my inner man has been so insensitive from my lack of quiet time.i seriously want to get back to that familiar feeling.the one that caused me to tear and my hands to be gripped in such a fashion that i couldnt even unclench it.i love that feeling.i simply have to get back that power of God.
well.about that prayer meet me sarah amoz sean and boon kiat had.yar.it was at like 3am after we had supper.that was like 5 hours pass my bedtime but everyone was going crazy and laughing at every single matter so we managed to keep awake.and the prayer meet was wonderful.it was like..the best prayer meet of the year.we just prayed and sang and cried.sweet presence of God.all of us hungered for Him after all of us heard the nite message about getting back that familiar feeling with the holy spirit.
we did the banners for jieyun and the lilies in the valleys after that.haha.and we just stupidly let boon kiat go home and sleep.he went like "pastor kong said you all are 2/3 spiritual and 1/3 natural.i've settled your spiritual part already so you guys tackle your own natural".haha.rite..crucify the flesh rite.anyway.we didnt get any sleep that nite.or morning i should say.all of us at most napped for an hour.im sure i did less than that.probably at most 1/2 an hour from all the time i tried to doze off.oh well.a test for the spirit i guess.but despite the letargy..managed to just praise and worship God.but kept dozing off during sermon la.the afternoon session only.luckili didnt doze off during nite session.so i managed to catch it all.haha.
yar la.youth conference so far.exciting.charged up.yay.1 more nite to go.and we're going to rock the house down.