February 28, 2004
i find that im becoming emotionless.wad has happened to the michelle that would cry and feel at every single matter.or isit just that ive been forcing myself to hold that strong image for too long?i really feel like breaking down n just cry.but i haf no feelings.no tears.
Michelle called at
10:49 PM
my mum told me this morning why she was crying last nite.apparently my dad accused her over work matters.
as usual.my dad is just so untactful.he totally dont put himself in others' shoes.dont think from their perspective and b considerate towards them.whether its at home or at work..its all the same.thats y i cry all the time when he talks about my church.he thinks he knows a lot when he knows nothing.someone just ought burst his bubble of egoism.
weirdly.im emotionless about my results.afterall i improved.thats a great achievement for me already.but i kinda regretted.i could haf done betta if i just put in another percent of effort.seriously.im just sucha slacker and i give up before im even near the target.i regretted during psle n now im regretting for Os.i betta not do the same for As.after all its the last chance.
mayb i really oughta adjust myself.
Michelle called at
9:21 AM
February 27, 2004
it sux being caught in the middle.i wonder how did malcolm stand being in the middle.
went for dinner with my family supposedly to celebrate my "excellent" results.but it was a big flop.at which joyous occasion would you see the mother tearing uncontrollably and the father glaring in such a manner that he looked like he was going to slap her any moment.and for goodness sake..it wasnt even my wedding dinner k.no need to get so dramatic!anyway.the tense occasion was not because of my results nor my wedding dinner (which so hadnt happened).it was cos my dad was scolding my mum over some office matters and my mum just cried la.
so unfortunately.me n my poor sister were just caught in between them.i swear its the worst place ever to b placed.i think the parents should b more considerate man.im still at the stage where i can b easily affected k!dont do such stupid stuff and traumatize me for life.if u guys wanna fight.do it behind my back.dont show me.im not that interested.
im wondering how to children who have divorced parents feel.caught between the 2 biggest idiots on earth again.argh.
Michelle called at
10:18 PM
February 25, 2004
i was just looking at the mark form for my grade 3 practical.i totally flunked it.it was worse than grade 6's scrapped through.i had an all time low of 94.applaud for michelle!
remembered that i only started proper learning for the exam 5 days before the test.am i smart or what?totally not.im the loser who actually failed grade 3,one of the easiest grades.
mayb this reminds me of how complacent i am.always taking things for granted that i would do well.i have been like that since a kid.if i happen not to do well,i'll just brush it off and refuse to buck up in that area (eg.humanities in school).or at most i would work harder for a short period just to bring the standard or grade back to that subject (eg. maths).but these r all just academic aspects.and im already failing big time in my management.
how am i going to handle stuff in jc now that there are more areas to cope with?doing real well in school so that i can hopefully get into meds fac in nus.prospering spiritually so that i can cope with the worldliness of this world and be a real witness for god.maintaining my friendships and relationships,an area i'm always poor in considering the amount of friends i make and lose every year.i certainly need spiritual discernment to not just scrap through,but to do exceedingly well and abundantly above all.
Michelle called at
6:10 AM
February 24, 2004
its frustrating that so much thoughts go through my head each time.its irks me even more that none of these come back to mind when i want to take it down.mayb next time i shud just hold a pad wherever i go n jot it down to prevent it from escaping it the next min.
school was crap.it was more like sleeping session.how i wish i can just quit school n slack at home.but..i guess its impossible since i brings about no future.unless i am guaranteed a real good one (eg.being a rich tai tai),i betta stick to mugging.
went with gwen to biopolis to have i-dunno-what-u-would-call-that-meal-since-its-past-lunch-and-nearing-dinner.that atmosphere there is quite nice.just that its a little ulu and ex n stuff like that.we talked a little about superficiality.ah yes..i can feel my thoughts flowing back to me *elated*.isnt it just weird how most of our relationships r so superficial?maintained just to ensure that we have companion for a period and simply ditching it the next moment we have no use for it anymore or found other better ones.at least i find myself doing that.it sux to realise how horrible i am as a person.so superficial.
come to think of it.i doubt anyone knows the real michelle.scary huh?the image i have been portraying is just a facade,no where near the real one.so whats the real me?i have no idea either.mayb it has been buried so deep below the elements of life that i would need so much sweat,blood and heartache to rediscover it.double-faced.thats me.
i seriously need to get out of that.be the real me.and not be different before different people.is that possible?i believe it would be.especially with Him guiding me.i shall be victorious over this problem.
Michelle called at
10:08 PM
February 23, 2004
guess who is the most violent person in the family?me!i just broke my hole puncher.great!now how am i going to file my stuff.argh.
Michelle called at
10:26 PM
i feel that blogging is such a horrible job now.i have so much to say.yet i have so little space n time.n..i feel like i'm just writing for people to read..totally defeating the purpose of just venting my thoughts.mayb i do need to reorganize my focus.
Michelle called at
8:13 PM
February 22, 2004
didnt blog last nite cos i was so tired.but fun-o-rama turned out to b good.the frisbee store was quite fun.esp with the kids n the people tending it.
me cheuk n sally went to thai express after that for dinner.tom yam soup was darn good.the prawns were really fresh too.haha.yummy yummy.the pineapple rice was nice too.so sweet n nice.heehee.okie..mayb the pineapple wasnt that nice cos it was a little sour too.
yea.2dae was early for church cos my dad drove me there.but he was complaining about the church..as usual..to the my granny.yar.i understood them though they were yakking in hokkien.but i cudnt b bothered la.anyway..bs early in the morning was cancelled so i just went to meet sean at jp for breakfast.ended up i only drank hot choco at mccafe.but it wasnt that nice.the only incentive was the marshmallow.haha.
the service was good.god was speaking in different ways.haha.its so weird to realise how god reveals.we had baby dedication too.the kids were so cute!hahah.so interesting la.
ok.i wan a new palmtop.actually i can get my old one replaced at 200+.or shud i just get a new one?sigh.
Michelle called at
6:40 PM
February 20, 2004
didnt go to sch.i was lazy to.haha.
suddenly dont feel like blogging.
its fun-o-rama.its so..i-dont-look-forward-to-it now.argh.
Michelle called at
10:54 PM
February 19, 2004
only got 5 mins to spare.so i betta hurry.
today i didnt get into the main audi due to my own fault.argh.im so stupid la.i shud haf left early if i wasnt so absorbed in that stupid lemonade game on yuyi's palm.but still..that game was darn addictive.yar..so i had to bunk in at the overflow room.haha.but dear victoria was with me.yay.love ya lots sister.
luckili there wasnt laying of hands today.if not i wud totally kill myself for not getting to church early.yar.okie okie.i think i'll yak more 2ml when i get home la.
Michelle called at
10:58 PM
February 18, 2004
just got home not long ago.
ulf ekman rox.trust me.hes the best preacher ever.powerful n spiritual.i'll try to post his sermon here asap.thats if i find the time to.
Michelle called at
10:45 PM
February 15, 2004
okie.im pissed.i typed 2 super duper long entries just now n they were all gone.AHHHH!!!!
nevermind.i shall start all over again.i'll start with talking about yesterdae.
sat 14feb04
valentines day.its sad to spend it in sch.esp with band.sigh.i totally cant play.now in all its glory look like child play la.i betta buck up on my practising man.ac band is touring europe in july so that means i get to go too!yay.thats so exciting..minus the practising before that.but..yar la.we must sow in tears before we reap in joy.
come to think of it.i never knew the true essence of that "cliche" phrase.mayb cos i always give up easily.sigh.
yar.didnt spend valentines with pastor as expected.it was saddening.sigh!went with my parents for dinner at some jap restaurant instead.it kinda sux la.that worsened the day.haha.
em.i must confess this.i was really irresponsible yesterdae.i was supposed to submit the attendance for service but i totally forgot cos i was watching some stupid chinese movie.yar.n when boon kiat smsed to ask y i didnt submit..i just took it as i didnt receive it.AH!IM SO IRRESPONSIBLE!hmph!stupid michelle stupid michelle.i felt so bad this morning when i saw him.
oh yar.i wanna say something about that chinese movie.yar.it was actually that stupid bra show that has totally no plot n is such a cheap n dirty humoured show that i wud definitely not wanna spend 850 on.but anyway..there was something that was said that i felt was so true.they repeatedly emphasize that what women really wants is a sincere embrace from their guy.yea.its so true la.thats what i feel at least.
haha.talking about guys..i must talk about him la.haha.HES SO CUTE N SWEET!haha.love him lots man.haha.actually i wanted to ask him to church but he said he got his own (surprising surprising) n then he wished that i wud a good time with my guy.haha.okie.mayb i was just thinking too much.but i still think its dam sweet.i told yuyi n he asked me to tell him that my dream guy is him.haha.like i wud so do that??madness.but i kinda decided la.. he wud just b a tool for me to keep off relationships.yeps.haha.
okie.i must complain about that stupid yuyi.he went for the mtv asia awards as a performer.so lucky!yar.he got to be up close with all the stars.but i was kinda being retarded.i dared him to go to any male star and tell him that hes willing to date him (the male star) out for valentines.haha.but its quite funny if he did that la.oh yar..his friend picked up lee ryan' security pass.haha.lucky him.that dumbo wud haf gotten it if he was a little swifter.hm..that happens when u r old la..right yuyi?haha.im so mean..*sticks tongue out*
sun 15feb04
i was still late for church today.no..i wasnt late for service.i have never been..except for once during my sch's funfair.i was just late for my bible study at 830.sigh.i must b early next week!i promise!okie.i should stop making empty promises but really act them out.
service was good.the praise was totally rock.the sermon was also a word in season.talked about complacency cos i haf actually been neglecting my quiet time n spiritual life.sigh.i still lack the discipline.i really must get myself back in tune with god.
got quite a lot of gifts from vdae.but i gave out more than i received that.made a loss.haha.but..we cant love without giving!heehee.
went to anna's place after that for fondeau or something like that.yar.haha.it was good.esp with strawberries n pineapples.haha.love it man.isabella aka anna's sister was so cute!she made us act out sleeping beauty for her.haha.jingxuan was the overgrown baby..rachel the queen..jieyun the king n isabella a frog.haha.i was a narrator.so smart to "chope" that role first.haha.danced the mass dance with jieyun.it was so fun.but kinda lacked the atmosphere.its still nicer to dance with a guy.haha.most prefably he of course.haha.
oh yar.i must announce this.DON HAS GOT A GIRLFRIEND!haha.me n cheuk were shocked.totally.when we saw them holding hands.haha.yar la..they r quite compatible *laughs n looks at cheuk*.hahahaha.okie.im mad.yar.they r darn touchy.worse than swarovski n caveman (m i subtle enough?).haha.
went to play pool after that.everyone still insist that i wont b able to get in.i did anyway..cos im of age.*sticks tongue out*haha..too bad people.yar.but i suck at pool.i'll stick to online pool i guess.haha.
okie la.thats basically what had happened.
Michelle called at
8:17 PM
hm..early in the morning.n i wud hafta rush off to church as soon as my dad is out of the bathroom.my throat still hurt.n im having an ulcer.hmph *sulks*
oh well..on a happier note..i finally downloaded acjc's mass dance song.yar.haha.finally..having bugging jieyun for so long.hmm.it brings back memories..*giggles*
ok ok.thats actually quite a lot to say.guess i wud do it when i come back today.haha.
Michelle called at
6:52 AM
February 13, 2004
im so full that im going to barf.seriously.consider downing 3 mugs of water with hokkien mee n fried oysters.man..i wonder how am i going to get to sleep tonight.esp since im so tired too.ah!tough nite ahead.
anyway.todays vdae.felt quite good giving out all the presents.esp to him..although i didnt pass it to him directly.haha.our class sold balloons n it was roaring business.esp with all the retarded guys sucking helium n sounding like chipmunks.it was quite funny though.
made a cake with sally n cheuk!it was quite a success.i shall take a pic of the cake n mayb post it here.haha.im so proud of it!yar.its the baby of the 5 treachrous hours the 3 of us spent in sally's kitchen.no everyone..its not a threesome.yar..u all shud go read jan04's cleo mag if u all wanna read more bout threesome.its dam dam dam sick.haha.but funny la.
yar.pastor is just going to b so surprised by us.haha.muahahahahaha.
oh yar.i must complain about something here.esp when i know the person is definitely going to read tis.that darren n krys ah..dam cannot make it.i felt so bad today.like some freaking bright lightbulb just standing there n disrupting their romantic friday-the-13th trip home.esp when it was darren's first attempt to take a train.okie..mayb i exaggerated a bit too much..BUT I DONT CARE!THIS IS MY BLOG N I LIKE TO DISTORT FACTS.HAHA.haha.im going mad...
yar.n that stupid caveman aka darren said i was worse than a bimbo cos i didnt really catch his cannot-make-it joke at first n i wont qualify as a bimbo cos bimbos need to b chio.i just whacked him like nobody's business.THAT STUPID CAVEMAN THAT TAKES A MAMMOTH HOME EVERYDAY (that was his joke anyway.how lame) N WRITES ON TABLETS OF STONES.yar.stupid caveman.hmph!
okie.i betta stop tis n get to bed.if not i wud get more crazy.
Michelle called at
11:34 PM
February 12, 2004
im having a sore throat.n im dying from it soon.argh.i hate being sick..although i used to think i wud like to b sick..enjoying the leave from school n the attention showered.haha.but..yar..in reality..it sux being sick.
i finally finished the vdae gifts for my sch people.tiring man.i think the disgusting rubber bands i bought at cheers that point was really great.haha.those who r getting my gift wud understand y.man..i spent so much on it all.n i already finished the 7 packets of m&ms i bought.sux.that means i wud hafta go get more 2ml.
had to lie to get out of sch early for cg.but it was worth it..i think.haha.cellgroup was quite good..boon kiat preached instead of pastor.i still prefer pastor's way of preaching.more personal.haha.
okie.i betta go to sleep now.i still haf a gp essay to do.wonder if i wud manage to hand it up 2ml.sigh.
Michelle called at
11:22 PM
February 11, 2004
just read the article on newsweek about passion.yea.thats the movie by mel gibson.i so so so so want to watch it.no sarcasm intended here.yar.but its rated r(a) cos its freaking violent.thats y i wanna watch.even billy graham weeped while watchin it k.man!
anyway.nothing much happened in sch.just that we were kinda scolded for talking during that stupid ne talk.yar.me gwen n farrah were talking big time la.oh yar..mingshu came to "visit" us.n we kinda gave her a party..if u regard what we did as a party.haha.
went to the dentist after that with gwen.had a good chat with gwen.i think shes really potential if she comes over.heehee.anyway..my teeth hurts now cos of the tightening.
met cheuk n sally after that to get the cake baking stuff.yes..everyone..b amazed.im going to bake a cake.wow.haha.yea.met cheuk for the 6th consecutive day.tsk.im going to get sick of their faces man.
went over to hougang to get the chocos for the vdae presents.yea.i was lost for a 1/2 an hour.haha.dam funny.but i eventually found the place thanks to God's grace.*smiles* prayers really work.heehee.
yea.so thats basically what has been happening.
Michelle called at
9:01 PM
February 10, 2004
just reached home.went to ikea for the thousandth time this 2 months.it was madness la.
ya.school was freaking tiring today.fell asleep during the econs test.totally cant make it.yar.alex n wallace were laughing at how i pronounce choir throughout bio n math.irritants man.n yar..i officially announce here that darren is the hunter in the cave men era.just look at the way he throws the javelin la.
anyway..i shall b nice to darren.cos his father owns that 211 shop.the food is dam ex la.so i just hafta go there n tell darren what i went n he will get for me..foc.yay!
oh.yuyi..guess what?haha.that day my fren saw us talking at the bus stop outside buona vista n he asked me who was that.whether u were my father.haha.i nearly laughed till i burst that day.haha.yuyi..my father.worse than being my brother.oh no..*wags finger*..u r so old...
hahahahahahaha
okie.im going mad.its cos of the lack of sleep.
Michelle called at
9:31 PM
February 8, 2004
em.haha.tis post is in response to someone's tag on my board.yar.actually i already typed out something i find is quite short..but stupid tagboard insist im too wordy.or mayb cos i nag too much?haha.yea..im the true blue "auntie" man.
yea.i dont like homosexuals.n y?cos i dont think it coincides with the bible.yar.mayb u think my reasoning is not very substantial..just relying on my religion teachings.yea.i dont like homosexuals wont mean that i wont love them la..i guess.haha.okie.that sounds contradictory to me at first.but the bible teaches us to love everyone..even our enemies.n..i guess i dont really treat homosexuals as my enemies?i dont really know yet cos i hadnt got close homosexual friends
anyway..i feel like homosexuality is kind of perversed love la.i mean..i can love everyone of my same sex n yet im still not a homosexual rite?or mayb homosexuals have got stronger attractions..but what i feel that its all psychological.nothing to do with genetic makeup or "nature's mistake".yea.so in my perception (not urs my dear..), homosexual is just like having sexual intercourse with your favourite dog la.haha.it sounds quite mean..but its equally gross.yea.its like u're doing something totally unnatural.
yar.dunno if u wud accept this argument..or mayb u would think its totally nonsensical or unreadable..esp since it was written by a cranky kid that is blogging at an hour past her bedtime.yea.so i betta creep back to bed n get my beauty sleep.muahahaha.okie.im really going mad.
Michelle called at
11:11 PM
February 7, 2004
hadnt been blogging cos i haf been returning home late.yar.haha.darn tired.
i just woke up.n realised that everyone is gone.argh.now i wud hafta take a cab to sch.
okie.mayb i can try to recall what i haf done these few days:
weds 040204 went to eat sakae sushi with cheuk sally soonguan liangwei n shizhen.met some acjc people there.they were really mean la.they made up their own dish ie this tissue paper dipped in wasabi seasoned soy sauce n garnished it up with that pea.only people as gullible as shizhen wud take it off the conveyor belt n actually eat it.eeeks.anyway..we left after that to meet pastor n zhenyi at cine.actually they were supposed to come n look for us..but zhenyi said pastor doesnt like sakae..so ok lor.yar.spent most of the time there calling people to double check their attendance for cellgroups.
thurs 050204 gwen went mad.totally.so when we were going back..me krys mary n gwen just walked in the rain.me n gwen were worse la.cos we walked all the way to holland v..n me to jac's place.yea.so i was soaked totally in jac's place when doing visitation with pastor n zhenyi.auntie rosa was sweet enough to get me some clothes to change.but it didnt really help la.cos even my undergarments were soaked.so i felt quite irritated the whole day when i was going home.yea.my new in-between-the year resolution.never to walk through the rain again.
fri 060204 the best day yet.had cg at anna's place.it was so so so so good.i hadnt had a cg with such a small group of people.the atmosphere was just so nicely thick.muahaha.thank god i wud b going for this or thurs' cg from now on.message was about evangelism..just the usual stuff.but pastor was also talking about the stuff that he wants everyone to b equipped with this year:
1. regular cellgroup attendance - im already ok with this lar
2. finish the bible studies - rushing rushing..
3. be prayerful - this is one difficult area for me.sigh.
4. reaching out to friends - another challenge for me
5. involved in ministries - im already in
yea.so the impt stuff for me to concentrate on wud b my prayer life n evangelism.im sure god wud help me through those.yeps.
went for choir pract after cellgroup.hadnt gone in like centuries.heehee.but it was fun la.learning all the parts n stuff..except that i doubt i remembered.tsk.i might b going for bv audition.it sounds darn scary.haha.got 1st round with bro jason bro eugene n sis alison.den 2nd round with sis annabel bro kelvin n possibly pst yong.haha.thank god they wont b as harsh as american idol.phew.
yea.thats basically what has been happening these few days..seeing pastor n zhenyi everyday.haha.
oh yar.pastor was saying shunjing is in stanford already.what an irritating pig.argh.
okie.i shall update when im next free..which is who knows when.
Michelle called at
8:54 AM
February 3, 2004
just came home from a long day.
cin n jas crashed today.i think me n pau r poor hosts.they were pretty bored out cos we didnt intro anyone to them.my fault la.haha.
i finaly went for band.yar.i was accepted n stuff like that.so im playing 3rd clarinet now.it doesnt matter which stand actually.haha.just that i hadnt touched the clarinet for such a long time.hopefully it wud rekindle my passion for me =)
yes.so with band as my cca now..I CAN NO LONGER GO FOR CG ON SAT!ARGH!yar.i think i wud hafta settle for thurs now.saddening.
had piano lessons too.quite crap la.considering that i totally dont practice at home.haha.yar.so i just played crap la.hopefully i wud b lucky enough to scrap past again this year.
i feel sian.i feel bored.i feel tired.
oh yar yuyi..i tried to invite he to ur concert.yar.but to no avail la.he said orchestra isnt his type.haha.but he was darn polite.SO SWEET!haha.
Michelle called at
9:41 PM
February 2, 2004
just came home.i feel sick.feel like vomiting.
today is fe's bdae!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!haha.we surprised her at her house tis morning when she hadnt even woke up.yar.she refused to blow out the candles that we painstakingly lit thanx to the horrendously strong wind blowing in at the 23rd storey corridor because she hadnt brushed her teeth.yar.haha.so we slacked in her house while our dear princess went to bathe.
its confirmed.cin n jas r crashing 2ml.i'll go gather all the time table to help them 2ml.yar.thats the least i can do.
anyway.we went for lunch at fish n co.quite ok la.i felt super nauseous after that.i think im really getting sick.argh.
yar.school 2ml.im sick of it.
Michelle called at
4:29 PM
February 1, 2004
reached home not long ago.
church today was so good.the atmosphere was so different.as if a whole burden has been lifted up.could really feel myself praising n worshipping God.pastor kong was telling us to use our imagination.example when we worship him..visualise urself being hugged by God n feeling all the love He has to give.haha.darn good.
oh.n we went to lo hey after service too.it was madness la.we were more like in a food fight.haha.connected a little back with stuff in the cg..esp since i chose to ignore a lot.
went for og bbq n iggy's house.it was good la.we just sat around n crapped big time.laughed like no one's business.he was there too.but didnt dare to talk much to him.but i feel like im even more suspicious that way.but i cant help it!i just like to distance myself from the people im interested in.
haha.okie.crap.2ml got quite a lot of stuff on.fe's bdae in the morning n most prob mugging with the sec4s in the aftnn.woah ho.