April 30, 2004
darn.im kinda pissed with the singapore system.gwen was attempting to decipher a song according to how she sees it..and a lit teacher immediately said she was wrong because it wasnt the same as the teacher's interpretation.
isnt lit about how one understands a text?is it necessary that we must all follow how the teacher think..or worse still..how moe wants us to think according to their "model" answers?no wonder they say singaporeans have no creativity.we cant even think how we want to think and u expect us to think out of the box?i rather be stereotypical than be scolded for being stupid when all i did was being creative.tsk.
they wanna instil creative through project work?i think its such a stupid idea.i mean the concept of working on such a project is interesting,esp since my group is playing with the idea of toys..but just look at the checklist that the teachers have to check against to award marks.HOW RIGID!if all the students do is the bare minimal to achieve the highest grade,isnt that the same as mugging for a paper?
i remember someone told me a story about this guy who only wrote 2 words for his university exam paper and yet received an A grade.human instinct will tell u its not in singapore.indeed,it was in the west..where the people have a better sense of humour..and mostly importantly respect creativity.
Michelle called at
8:31 PM
kinda mentioned my withdrawal symptom to seraphina.she said i must tell her immediately if i ever get put off by her.haha.love her to bits man.
had bio mediquiz.i was all alone as usual.worse of all..i was the only j1.i felt like an idiot there.didnt understand anything that was taught.im seriously about not knowing anything.just sitting there and falling asleep.sheesh.
Michelle called at
8:11 PM
hadnt blogged anything substantial cos i have been too busy to even reflect on the things around me.so when it comes to the rare times to blog,my brain will be in a blank.
familiarity breeds contempt.darn.im always bonded by that problem.first was yunxiu.then cheuk.who next?i can so predict.i keep thinking that im the kind that dont mind revealing myself to people.but actually i hate it if they keep bringing up the past.if they keep reminding me of stuff that i dont wanna know.i might be joking and laughing about it at the beginning..but the joke has to stop somewhere right?i feel that sometimes if we're close to a certain extent,we dont have to keep doing such teasing or rather irritation just to give confirmation that we're still good friends.
sigh.actually after typing those stuff..i feel kinda selfish.i guess thats why i have withdrawal symptoms.literally..not the kind that u have if refused drugs.but i will have it if i have too much of a friendship.too overwhelming.too much revealed?too much teasing that drives me up the wall.
Michelle called at
6:02 AM
April 27, 2004
tired.aching.
i simply have no idea why am i aching in the neck.its just..pain.
finished my 2.4 yesterday.i didnt do exceptionally well as compared to everyone else..but i still did well in my own records.hahahas.had parade of school rehearsals at my house.darn fun.they tried the elevator stunt on me..but i didnt dare to let go of my hands.scary.
nothing much.actualy theres a lot going on.but i just aint exactly bothered to say more.
Michelle called at
8:03 PM
April 23, 2004
came back so late last nite.went to church for the parade of schools thing.i was supposedly the lightest (cant believe im the lightest even though im so fat.argh!) except for the other cheographer.so i get to try all the stunts first.we only managed to try out 2.haha.but its quite fun la.
yes.me n hui-er (the srjc cheographer) set up a hui-erl and michelle take cab home fund (HMTCHF) last nite.n everyone contributed to it!SO SWEET!haha.im just darn good and cheating people's money.heehee.
i have found a place where we can rehearse without trodding all the way to church.smart michelle has saved the day.muahahahaha.
Michelle called at
6:03 AM
April 21, 2004
was home rather late last nite.reached at about 1130.a lot better than binghui who reached home only at 1.hes crazy.
anyway.just wanna thank God for someone who has a driving license, who had a car last nite, who lived near here and who fortunately (or rather unfortunately for him) is having exams now i.e. boon kiat.haha.if he wasnt around, i would have squeezed in either sean's uncle's car or the sardine-packed chartered bus.yar.so thank God for NUS exams.hahas.
dear sally is now in hospital.shes down with some viral attack and tan tock seng seems like an ultra incompetent institution.sally asked the nurse when can she be discharged and she came back with the answer only half an hour later.how dumb..i went to ask the counter myself and i got the answer in less than 5 mins.tsk.moral of the story?dont stay at tan tock seng if u can.
April 18, 2004
yesterdae was a great day.just out the whole day.though tiring.but rather fruitful.
had bio mediquiz in the morning.i actually went!its amazing considering that i hadnt gone in like 3 weeks?or mayb more.haha.but stupid wallace wasnt there.that winston chin stole my choco bar!i left it on the table before me n krys ran out to watch the mgs gers to cheerleading.they were great anyway.when we came back for the lesson,my pretty choco bar was sitting amongst his pile of anatomy books.thief!haha.but he returned it during the break la.but thats not the point.hmph.
walked around holland v alone cos no one was as early as me.seriously.n i didnt wanted to go to town if i cellgroup was just so near to school.it was quite crazy to do that considering the sweltering heat.i perspired like buckets of sweat la!oh..n i rediscovered holland village.im such a suaku.i didnt realise how interesting the building that cold storage is in is.haha.n i bought a new pouch!its orange with sequins.yay.hahas.
cellgroup was good.could feel His presence probably only at the last few seconds.but better than nothing =) sermon was about true friends.somewhat a word in season i feel.its like..i've been struggling these few months for being such a hypocritical and horrible friend.esp to those that are closer to me.yar.im such a terrible person seriously.n rang the bell again about the condition of the cellgroup.sigh.
went for dinner with sarah amoz joyce (kai's friend that was my junior in ij pri!) seantay pauline.it was so fun.hadnt had it like this for such a long time.we just sat there and laughed and laughed la.esp me n sarah.typical ij gers.
met the og people after that.i was technically 2 and a half hours late.haha.but better late than never.hans n lavina said they were coming and never turned up.haha.so im better than them.heehee.it was fun seeing them again..crapping so much with them.esp quentin and albert.they were crazy poseurs la.tickled me like mad.n i agree with julia la..u-jin is really cute.haha.not only guy cute..but boy cute too.hes so laconic .or mayb just that i cant talk to him.haha.he has this cute way of looking away but you know hes looking at what you're doing.hahas.no no..im not saying that hes staring at me.he was just laughing at the way me n julia hugged like lesbians.haha.yar la.hes darn cute.
sigh.i miss the og people n old 1sc8 so much la.the old days.u'll never learn to treasure them until you lose them.why isit always so?hahas.
today's service was good.mayb cos i didnt sing for choir.so i just jumped to my content.haha.it felt so good!that means its going to be even better at youth conference.yay!haha.alex and jermyn came.hadnt seen those 2 in centuries.interrogated them.hahas.but i must dig more out of them.sermon spoke about knowing your source.and pastor kong used the operating manual from sony as an analogy.i think its quite cool the way he connects those 2 subjects together.hahahas.
boon kiat talked about how the standard of the cell has fallen.its so true.the people just aint that on fire.talked with sarah over it.n its the same problems as it was 4 months ago when we discussed the same few topics in sarah's house.will things ever improve? sigh.
Michelle called at
10:42 PM
April 16, 2004
today ac had the swim meet.compulsary for the j1s to go.it didnt help that the weather was freaking warm.perspired like no one's business.anyway.it was nothing rewarded.except probably ogling at the guys.but i must say seraphina is real good.come to think of it.shes the most well-rounded person i've known.such a good swimmer (syncro too),well versed in music and smart too.haha.and she keeps thinking that no one likes her.tsk.
oh anyway.i just found her blog.im just plain smart.tsk.
im kinda frustrated with myself.in a way.that..im always letting opportunities bypass me.i just hadnt got the courage to grab them i guess.take for example.i had 2 chances to join choir.and what did stupid michelle do?just like them go pass like nobody's business.until its too late den i regret.i could feel that binghui was kinda exhorting me today.i should go for cf exco.yar.
oh wells.
Michelle called at
8:02 PM
April 15, 2004
im lagging big time.this is the consequence of slacking too much.darn.
Michelle called at
6:01 PM
April 14, 2004
had an urge to blog this morning about yesterdae's book of isaiah day II.but obviously i didnt.to those who missed it totally,like jingxuan..all i have to say is..TOO BAD!hahaha.it is seriously a great bible study.
i just felt myself telling God that i want to be the bugger that wants God instead.if u read the bible..you would realise that God keeps humbling himself just to bring us back to Him.and since hes my legitmate father,it kinda hurts me to see him do that repetitively.or at least towards me.each time i slip away,i would be like crucifying him all over again.trampling on the blood that he has shed.i hadnt watched the passion,but i can somewhat feel the pain of being rejected after doing something so sacrificial.
anyway.when me and sally cabbed back..the taxi driver talked to us about doctrines.pretty evidently he doesnt like the mega churches.yea.but hes quite zai.haha.he can just quote bible verses offhand.and me?i hadnt even finished the bible at least once.so i set a new goal.or at least i was motivated to.its to make sure that im proficient in the word by the time im 20.I MUST DO IT!
today was international friendship day celebration.the "concert" was quite interesting.as in some funny parts la.albert played the guitar and sang.he was dam cute la.cute as in my-teddy-bear-is-so-cute-kind-of-innocent-cuteness.haha.he kept frowning when playing and he looked like a freaking big huggable teddy bear.hahaha.SO CUTE!anyway.i kept saying that and it happens that chong-u was sitting in front of me.i think he kinda got irritated and kept laughing at me..saying that now everyone knows who i like.haha.yar.i like albert.as a friend what.haha.i like everyone.or least most of the people i know.haha.but hes just darn cute.hahaha.
forced yuyi out for lunch with me.and i was 45 mins late.what am i to say.haha.i think he was kinda irritated.thats y he insulted me big time.but..im at fault la.so just let him yak nonsense.haha.but it was kinda mean la.cos it was a freaking warm day.i nearly just melted into a puddle of fats la.haha.yar.im darn fat anyway.
surprisingly.i was early for harp practice.*applauds*.haha.yar.i was 1 min early?haha.but better than nothing!it was quite fun.haha.cant imagine how interesting it would be to perform on it next time.so exciting.hahahs.
oh well.i haf been slacking like crazy.but i somehow dont feel motivated to get back on momentum.mayb i should just wait till its too late again.hahahas
Michelle called at
8:06 PM
April 11, 2004
i realised i have been really whiny on my blog.just complaining and complaining.about this about that.why this happens and not that.
but.somethings happen to some people.problems just occur no matter what.even God has got problems - this troublesome people that He so loved that He gave His only Son.
nope.im not saying that we should resign to all these problems.but we are in this world to solve them!be the solution and not a spectator,or worse still,add trouble to it.
i was suddenly reminded of it during the core meeting.when boon kiat responded to the "unloved" issue.im actually so lucky.i can get almost all that i want.suddenly reminded me all over again that i must be thankful in whatever circumstance i am in.*smiles*
boon kiat also said that we should learn to hold onto God's love and stop complaining that we are so unloved,esp the core.that really woke me up.cos many of those that reads these would realise i haf simply been complaining and complaining.but actually.im so loved that i take it for granted.
ok.my thread is actually kinda distracted cos im not concentrating on writing it.mayb i'll blog another time about this.
Michelle called at
7:06 PM
April 10, 2004
im so proud of myself.i went to the gym, swam and did my aq.hahaha.
i also studied the chapter of physical quantities on physics.yay.
Michelle called at
7:31 PM
April 9, 2004 "you were special.you ruined your life.and you broke my heart."
that was what drew barrymore's character's dad said to her when she discovered she was pregnant.that was also what my parents say to me all the time.
im the child that kept giving them problems.that kept cutting their heart.that made them feel so helpless around me.
my mum always tells me that my dad loves me the most.that hurts me too.because im always making my dad feel sad.and that feeling sux.that whole guilt thing.i know he loves me.im the first child.he deposited all his heart into me.and what did i do to it all?just trample his trust.just break his heart.over and over again.
im so screwed up.i keep justifying when i knew my deepest problem.
Michelle called at
5:02 PM
i was lucky enough to catch the most touching part of "i am sam" the moment i got home.i had hardly even warmed my chair (or rather my bed) when tears just flowed out like someone left the tap on.it wasnt even forced tearing.just flowed.naturally.
seeing how the father hugged the child as if its the last time they'll ever see each other again.the father carrying the child and running around the field in jubilant only because her daughter scored one goal.
how many a times parents would so publicly show their love."just be subtle..why display your feelings so openly?"i can so imagine my mum mumbling that line to me.
which ever bulls**t psychologist that said that parents should not show how proud they are of their children when praising their kids in case they get haughty is cuckoo.if the kids get better..they are driven by the wrong purpse - to win approval from their parents.if the kids get worse..they parents simply made it seem as if their accomplishment is more like a failure.
only God can be so proud for all we do.our first step.our first word.our first performance.our first promotion.how many times have dad given me a pat for each of them?but i know god was celebrating for me at each firsts.
Michelle called at
5:02 PM
April 8, 2004
acs junior held their track finals in our school.patrotism is probably something acs people are proud of.some people mayb ridicule that they're merely naive primary school kids.or at least that was what i thought during the 1st few seconds the acs anthem was played.but what shocked me were the kids that were initially chasing each other around and even more the ruggers that were on the field.just 2 seconds ago they were crashing into each other.and now they've dropped everything and stood straight.singing the anthem proudly.i suddenly felt proud to be an acsian too.
patrotism.school spirit.its not as strong in ij.or mayb just that the feeling had been diluted since those days of my teachers.somewhat i feel its the exclusiveness of the schools that brought up the standards.its as if ij girls suddenly seem so crude among the mgs girls with their polished english.mayb its just a feeling the minorities feel.
i still love ij.dont worry.
in days of yore.from western shores.oldham dauntless hero came.and planted a beacon of truth and light.in this island of the main.here may it stand from year to year.emblem of grand endeavor.the regions round echo the sound.of acs forever.sing acs forever more.our acs forever.god save our land and heaven bless.our acs forever.our students hail from china's plains.and the land of rising sun.we have many sons from india's strands and the islands of the main.our hearts our hopes our aims are one.no discord ever sever.we'll stand together for the cause.of acs forever.sing acs forever more.our acs forever.god save our land and heaven bless.our acs forever.
Michelle called at
7:02 PM
April 7, 2004
i think im joining the harp ensemble.sounds cool eh?but its kinda slack.haha.only 1 official practice a week.i might join choir too.if i haf the courage to go up to patrick sum and hes willing to accept me.
Michelle called at
7:41 PM
April 4, 2004
my comp is kinda screwed.its only a year old.that shows how much i maintain it.
kai just sent me the site to get the release letter to watch passion.i sure hope the letter works!mayb we'll get some older christian to watch again with us.haha.
a lot has happened.a lot of thoughts have passed through.but im in a happy mood.so i shant destroy it by thinking too much.