April 28, 2006
moved.
http://www.michpay.wordpress.com
Michelle called at
12:08 AM
April 23, 2006
argh. it's a recurring problem.
and it's at an even trickier level.
i need to focus.
but how?
Michelle called at
6:14 PM
April 19, 2006
decided to read the blog of some friend of mine - lets just call him adriano (no toots.thats obviously NOT my friend's real name). havent read it since i decided that the content of his blog no longer interests me.
as usual. it didn't interest.
im reminded of the times when i read his blog regularly.. finding out his revelations and learning to share in his spiritual life. but now.. it has been reduced to a mere diary.
will mine ever dwindle to be like his?
i pray hard it wont.
Michelle called at
5:52 PM
April 10, 2006
as he so aptly put it - i still havent got that drive.
Michelle called at
12:49 PM
March 20, 2006
had a revelation while thinking about my driving lessons.
actually, technology in no ways help us overcome the whole of nature.technology overcomes part of nature with the assistance of the other part of nature.
sounds cheem huh. it's from the intellectual michelle that's why :D
what i meant is that we will by no ways be able to break out of nature. it may seem like we've won nature by overcoming the law of gravity with airplanes and spacecrafts, but in actual fact, we've made use of nature's other laws to assist us in that. what we've merely overcome is the limitation that we've once put on ourselves.
no doubt we'll one day break all that humans limitations with the advancement of technologies and finally arrive at a place of no limitations because we'll definitely be able to make use of other laws of nature - be it physics, chemistry or biology - to help us overcome any oncoming problems. i guess that's how God works miracles. if im not wrong.. A.R. Bernard mentioned something like that as well. without defying the laws of nature He set, God is able to make use of other laws to achieve the physical miracles he requires. what an amazing God.
i guess in a same way it applies to the spirit. no matter how much we try to overcome and escape from God, we'll always be trapped by His presence because are bound by the environment of Him. we may try to overcome Him in our heart.. yet we are trying to overcome Him with something that has an natural disposition or inclination towards the very exact person they're trying to reject - God!
there's no point.
Michelle called at
11:12 AM
March 11, 2006
i've been thinking a little recently. it's rather amazing that i have time to occupy my little brain with such thoughts when im unusually busy this week.
thought of my friend C. i've never tried using alphabets to replace the names of any of the people i mention.. it's just kinda weird. so anyway, things dont seem to going on very well with her. superficially shes fine. but i know her problems through n through. just 3 months ago, i was the one down at that pit - thing were just crazily bad last year, i must haf gotten out of bed on the wrong side on 1jan05 thats why - and she was high and exalted. now.. i'm doing well, yet she has deteoriated. i somewhat can feel the pain that sarah prob felt towards me, and perhaps more.
darling, please give it up. please dont hurt everyone anymore. and please dont hurt yourself anymore.
Michelle called at
7:51 PM
March 10, 2006
i've been, uncomprehenably, having rather racist thoughts. despite the temptations to pen them down, i'll not succumb to it. i don't wanna blog my next entry behind the bars, having cellgroup in a real cell.
life has been hectic. meeting up with a lot of new friends. it's just amazingly tiring. i've been having dinner out for the past 3 days (and many more consecutive days to go).not only is my wallet suffering,my waist is going to have major problems.i better start my crunches asap.
there's just so much things to do.and things just suddenly get so confusing.now i understand why are bk's replies extremely concise.there are simply too many stuff to reply to.nevertheles..i still try my best to reply in a "im-not-too-busy-to-ignore-you" tone when i'm actually in the "im-too-messed-up-and-too-busy-to-talk-to-you" mode.
all i can say is.. it requires extreme faithfulness to be a GOOD leader.
anyone can be a leader.the point is who is he leading (people, animals or just the air behind him) and how well is he leading.[if you wanna quote this, attribute it to the greatest philospher alive - michelle pay :D]
Michelle called at
1:12 PM
March 1, 2006
anyone notice that some blogs are utter nonsensical?
and i don't even mean they blog funny stuff. they simply post.. uninteresting and boring stuff.
amazing.
Michelle called at
7:28 AM
February 27, 2006
behind every glorious moment is a period of mundanity.
before the joyous moment of reaping the bountiful harvest lies a long period of ploughing, sowing and plain waiting for the farmer.
if you don't go through them.. you'll never see that harvest.
behind an athlete's gold medal is years of training.
if you don't go through them.. you'll never that medal.
behind a cellgroup leader tag are times of trudging through trips and mistakes, held on by pure determination and perveseverance from God.
if you don't go through them.. you'll never get that tag.i want that tag.
Michelle called at
5:05 PM
im so amazingly full that im sure i can survive through tomorrow even without eating. it's crazy. i think i tend to binge like mad. it's terrible.
anyway. services have been crazily excited. might hafta do with the fact that feb is ending :D (nothing to do with the fact that As results are coming out though).
first day pastor ulf preached about times and seasons. i felt that this was seriously the season for me to grow n expand into the leadership he has in plan for me. i have 2 more days till i'm officially stepping into that season. crazily exciting! crazily exciting!
and guess what i just read in my dad's email? about seasons again!
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment. The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up. If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.Moral:Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.
No way am i going to allow the past seasons.. past failures to hinder me anymore. I'm going to push forward and be a great leader!
corporately.. it signified a change in the stagnancy of our evangelism. i dont know about the church in whole or about other cellgroups.. but i felt a standstill in my cellgroup's outreach. but now it's changed. even pastor kong said so himself. we're moving into a new season - the season of harvests. these 2 weeks.. we're going to be ploughing and sowing into our friends lives and meeting their needs with spiritual gifts and strengths we've been blessed in. then when friends' connection comes.. WE'LL HARVEST!
crazily exciting.
to add onto the excitement.. pastor shared about our calling in God on sun. i dont wanna waste time making the wrong decisions.. taking the wrong steps anymore. i've wasted months when i fell and i dont wanna commit the same mistakes. i wanna walk so much closer to God.. be guided so closely by Him. i want to see visions.. i want to walk in His will.. do His work and be changed to have His personality. i want to love God afresh everyday.
crazily exciting.
2006 is going to be crazily exciting.
Michelle called at
12:56 PM
February 24, 2006
"... you said that none of us is obligated to go into a fire and save someone else from a burning building. But that all changes if you're a parent and the person in that burning building is your child. If that's the case, not only would everyone understand if you ran in to get your child, they'd practically expect if of you."
"In my life, though, that building was on fire, one of my children was in it and the only opportunity to save her was to send in my other child, because she was the only one who knew the way. Did I know I was taking a risk? Of course. Did I realize it meant maybe losing both of them? Yes. Did I understand that maybe it wasn't fair to her to ask her to do it? Absolutely. But I also knew that it was the only chance I had to keep both of them. Was it legal? Was it moral? Was it crazy or foolish or cruel? I don't know. But I do know it was right."
-my sister's keeper by jodi picoult
Michelle called at
11:37 AM
February 23, 2006
im reading a book called "my sister's keeper" by jodi picoult and i like it alot.
it's not the outright teenage romance novel. it's more of a subtle book.
i like the way the author weaved the whole story together - by seeing the situation through the eyes of the different characters.
as a matter of fact.. i enjoyed it so much that i have to read it in intervals so that i wont be seen shedding tears publicly.
i realized something about me (or as a matter of fact most people). i emotionally attach myself to characters, whether in fiction (books, movies etc) or in reality. i always wonder how would i feel if i were in their shoes.
if i were in kate's shoes.. how would i be feeling. if i were in anna's, how would i feel? if im in sara's.. how would i feel. if i were in brian's, how would i feel. if i were in jesse's, how would i feel.
it's as if i see an element of myself in everyone of their character. or mayb it's just vulnerability found in everyone that i can connect with.
wow. that's one more thing i know everyone of us have in common.
Michelle called at
6:32 PM
February 14, 2006
i realized the antiquity of my blog's links when i clicked on evan's hyperlink and ended up on a lovelorn-cum-depressive blog. i was about to pick up the phone to tell leila about my sister when i realized that it wasnt her blog. she changed her url eeons of years ago.
nearly everyone's link was wrong. so i decided to just do with them. no need to link anyone. no need to update the links. how wonderful.
Michelle called at
1:57 PM
February 13, 2006
i've been back in sat morn.
i still like jap food. esp their snacks. pocky rox!!
n i've been real dumb. i thought it was already the 18th when it was only 11th on the last sat i blogged. must b the long flight and insistence on blogging when i had only a few hours of sleep that caused the confusion. made me sad for nothing. totally wasted my emotions
but. i have to go look for the 10 tickets hiding in a blue case file lying somewhere.
Michelle called at
4:02 PM
February 11, 2006
just got back from tokyo about one and a half hours ago.
i thoroughly enjoyed tokyo. i like the weather (chilly at times but still utterly enjoyable). i like the food (it's the thing that i look forward to everyday to get away from the jobsites). i like the technology. i like the people. i like almost everything about it.
except.
the traffic jams. the funny-taste water. the exorbitant and rather skewed standards of living (u can hardly get anything less than 20 bucks. even earrings that look bangkok-ish or china-ish costs freaking 20 bucks).
this happens all the time. when i visited korea.. i so wanted to stay there. when i visited tokyo.. im so attracted to be part of the city.
it's just the "the grass is greener on the other side" mentality i guess.
tomorrow (or more technically today) is fun-o-rama. i have 100 bucks of coupons lying in a blue file that i cant find. darn.
Michelle called at
2:46 AM
February 8, 2006
hey all! im blogging from tokyo! whee!
haha. it's been great here (except this funny mac keyboard that i'm still trying to get used to). a little chilly but it's overall a nice temperature. i stupidly brought a really ugly jacket and i momentarily take it off to avoid looking exceptionally dumb in such a chic city. the worst i got was today where i wore a combi of the traffic light - all red, green and yellow were donned by me. sigh! if japan ever start a craze on those 3 colours it will be all thanks to me.
anyway.. just some scribbles i had written down in hope that i won't forget them. obviously i didnt because i aint typing with any notes.
first thing up. was on my way from the airport to my hotel when i passed by many commercial buildings and noticed that a rather high proportion of them are still lit up and buzzing with busy adults. i thought it was quite a disturbing sight (an esp large proportion as compared to Singapore where only slackers who need to rush for deadlines will have to stay back). It immediately brought back to memory about an article i read, where the gist is that the rate of over-50s Japanese couples divorcing is on the rise. Reason - the lifestyle that the homemaker wives have adopted during the absence of their workaholic husbands are disrupted by the retirement of these men. actually i had wanted to write on this topic before, but i gave it up when i as usual got incoherent.
anyway.. the point is.. is it worth sacrifcing relationships for work?
ok.. i aint getting incoherent now but just a little bored. will edited this post another time.
meanwhile.. enjoy summmer singapore while i enjoy temperate tokyo (darn. im just so cut out to be a lit student man..)
Michelle called at
9:19 PM
February 5, 2006
im jealous. leila and esther both had people helping them to do up their blogs.
hmph.
im busy too. anyone wanna offer their professional help??
p.s. only PROFESSIONAL help k. don't give me some ugly blogspot template. i can even do those myself.
Michelle called at
11:50 PM
January 29, 2006
after a gazillion years..i went back to my old church (the one that i kinda abandoned 5 years ago for chc).not much changes exteriorly,esp since they had a huge revamp only a few years ago.the secondary hall (they call it fu4 tang2) looks exactly how it did when i congregated there at least 10 years ago for children's church.the main sanctuary looked shockingly smaller cos they cornered the back off for smaller rooms i.e. nursery, sound console, media room.
saw lotsa people i havent seen for a long time.most people look the same.some changed dramatically.but basically everyone was shocked by my presence.most prob aggravated by the fact that i wore a tube into the hall.i forgot i wasnt back at city harvest church expo hall 8.heh.
caught a glance at gordon when his little bro took his phone n wallet (which he left at the seat i took) and passed it back to him.he smiled at me.mayb cos it was seriously a glance that i didnt recognize him at all.merely wondered to myself how did this rather good looking guy come to this church.amazing.
but oh well.just eye candy.
Michelle called at
3:45 PM
January 24, 2006
Michelle called at
10:35 PM
January 23, 2006
i was having the usual discussion about my dad's flaws on my way home when my mum suddenly popped the question: have you ever thought of what would you do if i divorced your dad?
i was seriously stunned.i never ever expected this question to emerged ever again.
i answered: i used to think of it..but i 've never never thought of it anymore.
as a kid..i thought over this question as often as i breathed.with 2 extra marital affairs under his belt..it's no surprise that divorce was constantly on the cards.i remembered weeping and begging my mum not to have a divorce because i'll lose my paternal cousins.that was when i was really close to my cousins and i was just a kid.
seriously..its a thought that should never cross a child's mind.it's traumatic.